A Very Retail Christmas (1990)

One Christmas Eve, after a sudden snowstorm, a group of teenagers will discover how their lives will change forever.

This film is a splendid mix of mediums, but its strength lies in its simplicity and beautiful message of closeness.

A complete ranking of every Godzilla movie, including shared universe films.

The Bluff unravels its mystery slowly, opening on the capture of a ship captain named Bodden (Ismael Cruz Córdova) and the swift execution of his entire crew. Then, viewers are treated to a tranquil British settlement in the Cayman Islands in the 1850s, where a mother bakes a coconut birthday cake for her son in a house suspiciously rigged with makeshift tripwires and burglar alarms. As it turns out, that mother is Priyanka Chopra’s quick witted and resourceful ex-pirate Mrs. Ercell Bodden, and her husband’s captors are on the way to the island to hunt her down for abandoning them and stealing their loot. The pirates of the Libertas land on the beaches of Cayman Brac, and the scenes that follow show a Viking-esque slaughter of half the island.

Despite everything it was capable of, all of these poor choices strung together amount to nothing more than a counter-productive film.

The Olivia Wilde renaissance is upon us.