Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001)

The definition of the word foul is “offensive to the senses,” which is a pretty good summation of the new Disney+ film, Artemis Fowl. This was one of the many movies Disney had set to come out in 2020 prior to COVID-19 shutting down the movie theaters. However, Artemis Fowl was the only movie Disney removed from their theatrical plans entirely, as they sent it directly to their Disney+ streaming service.

I have never read the Artemis Fowl books, nor do I really know anything about the story. I’d be curious to hear the opinion of someone who knows this property and whether or not the movie was in line with it.

That being said, I find this movie to be a trainwreck. The story is practically nonexistent, the acting is laughable, and the dialogue is horrendous. The visual effects are decent, as you would hope for a movie that cost Disney $125 million to make. Some reports say it could be even higher due to some reshoots.

I want to take a second and look at that number: $125 million: that is the same cost as over 31 Get Outs. That number isn’t even taking into consideration how much they spent on marketing the movie. By sending it directly to Disney+, there is no way Disney will be able to break even with this movie; a film that was clearly intended to start a brand new franchise. Unfortunately for them, Artemis Fowl is essentially dead upon arrival.

Artemis Fowl tells the story of Artemis Fowl, Jr. (Ferdia Shaw), a child prodigy who must embark on a journey when his father (Colin Farell) goes missing.

I rewatched The Lego Movie with my family and you should, too. Because The Lego Movie is a cinematic masterpiece. It follows Emmet, an ordinary Lego who gets pulled into a rebellion against the tyrannical President Business when he is identified as a prophesied “Special” meant to save the world. This movie is genuinely hilarious and not only fun to watch with the family, but also fun to watch as an adult who understands common film tropes. The Lego Movie achieves great humor and story with a combination of childish comedy, adult references, irony, and by subverting popular movie tropes.

We all know “The Chosen One” trope, in which a character is chosen by some greater force and is destined to solve the main conflict. Some of the most famous “Chosen Ones” are Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars, Harry Potter in the Harry Potter series, Neo in The Matrix series, etc. In The Lego Movie, Emmet is our “Chosen One.” At the beginning, Vitruvius tells a prophecy about a “Special” who will find the “Piece of Resistance," be “the most important person of all time,” and unite the realms to defeat President Business. Emmet finds this piece by accident and is swept into a rebellion that he doesn’t understand.

Emmet is not the typical hero. He's generic. He looks like a default Lego, perhaps a jab at how most protagonists are generic-looking white men. He’s not dark or brooding and he doesn’t have a complicated past. He’s happy and follows all the rules without question. Yet Emmet is desperate to fulfill this prophecy that goes against the rules. He wants to be “The Special” because no one has ever believed in him or thought he was special. Emmet is not a Master Builder like the prophecy says. He’s not a “Gary Stu” who is plucked from obscurity and suddenly becomes more skilled than all of the more expert side characters. He knows this, even saying, “I know what you’re thinking. He is the least qualified person to lead us. And you are right.”

The thing that makes Emmet a hero is faith. He wants the prophecy to be true so he works to make it come true. Emmet unites the Master Builders with his unwavering faith in them so they succeed in stopping President Business. Emmet may not be the usual hero, but he chooses to be one, even after it’s revealed there never was a “Chosen One” in the first place, which leads us to…